RSD 2018
It’s that time of year again. Music collectors will arise before dawn, drive all over east Texas, and line up for a stimulating attempt to buy a special, once in a lifetime, limited release - before it’s plastered all over Ebay at higher prices. Oops. Too late. It’s already on Ebay. Damn.
Ah, the celebration of record stores. Record stores have their own day. Twice a year. Somehow, Bezos hasn’t yet stamped them all out. I don’t care how cold or rainy it is or how much TV I might miss, I’m gonna be there.
This year I have customized my cane for the special occasion. I’ve nicknamed my cane ‘the curse of the old white guy’. That’s taken from a name my friend Edna started calling me at our U2 discussion groups. ‘Old white guy’. Well, she said it was nothing personal.
Instead of the usual rubber end piece, I’ve outfitted my cane with a special carbon steel pointed tip that can even pierce multi-layered North Face or Eddie Bauer down parkas. If I can’t talk my way to the front of the line by receiving sympathy for my mental handicap...those hipsters gonna be sorry. You gotta free yourself to be yourself. I am rock n’ roll. I hope my March madness continues into April.
I understand that the only new song will be a Beck remix. I’ve also just learned that this Beck is not the Beck from the Yardbirds. Just a heads-up for millennials...the Yardbirds were a rock group from England and not prisoners loitering and muttering to themselves in a yard with other inmates. Oh well, we can all hope that at least the bespoke download card has been printed on cardboard remastered by The Edge and the files are at least 24/192.
After I push or gouge my way to the door there’s a couple other special recordings I’ll be looking for besides the U2 vinyl. I’ve read somewhere there will be a special 4 vinyl compilation titled, ‘Selections from TV Commercials’. This will be pressed on Sear’s finest grade 250 gram kitchen vinyl with Jimmy Hoffa’s initials hand scratched in the dead wax. Jimmy Hoffa, as most of you know, has been holed up with Elvis Presley manufacturing records in his underground lab under Giant’s Stadium, now Met Life Stadium. These music clips will be full 68k res copied direct from YouTube, remastered and soaked in casks of Jim Beam whiskey and aged for 2 months! They will all be Concast Approved for adult listening.
IMHO this release will be a most timely memento of our current age. Every famous rock song ever written since the dawn of the Edison player will eventually be included. Of course, 4 measly records is just a taste of things to come. We can expect new comps every Record Store Day. (courtesy of Geico Insurance, current owner of the US Treasury).
Now it’s time for Matlock on the ME TV channel.
This truly is a wonderful world.
