Because of broken pipes and flooding at the Old Folks Home for U2 Fans, our usual listening sessions had to be postponed for a few weeks. We decided to move our next sessions temporarily to a new location.
I hope the French fans will approve.
New location of the Old Folks Home for U2 Fans weekly discussions
For the first listening session in our new digs, I suggested we look into the latest SOE remixes.
The thought of listening to more officially sanctioned U2 remixes was so innervating that one of our residents, Chief Running-to-stand-still, grabbed his Achtung Baby Super Deluxe Uber Box, tossed it thru a window, and made his escape. Nurse Ratched ran after him. We haven’t seen either since.
Needless to say, my suggestion was disregarded. We eventually decided to forego any listening at all. For one thing, our audiophile Crosley turntable had been water damaged. Some say the water damage made it sound better, but the sparks flying from the stylus seemed a fire hazard. I believe we might have solved that problem by substituting a nickle for the quarter we had taped to the tonearm. Oh well. No one ever listens to me.
We settled into our meeting room, took our blood pressure meds, and went over the latest news that might, even in the slightest way, be related to U2.
Here are the officially sanctioned minutes from our meeting. Remember, only
verified fans are permitted to read these.
1. First off we discussed the Obi-Wan Kenobi movie that may possibly be filmed in Belfast. We all agreed that Bono, not George Lucas, should be asked to direct.
2. We identified the source for the latest rumor concerning the U2.com 2018 membership bonus. It comes from Frank Furnace, a second cousin, twice removed, of a U2 road crew member from the War Tour. We have gotten in touch with him and extended our greetings. Thanks to a special phone conference held while staring at our phones and walking into walls, we’ve finally discovered how the U2.com bonus items are chosen. Mr. Furnace confirmed our long held suspicions that membership gifts were decided by tossing darts while blindfolded after several glasses of Jameson.
3. We discussed the rumored release of American Soul (KGB Dark Web Mix) by DJ Putin, which had been accidentally expected to arrive by special air freight to Hawaii from CDNKorea. This has been postponed until further notice. The PGA tour golfers that had sought refuge in sand bunkers were assessed 2-stroke penalties.
4. We also discussed the exciting news that SpaceX Agency is close to solving all the world’s problems. They have shown their ability to send a car into space. Some say it was a Trabant not a Tesla. Anyway, some of us U2 fans have been fervently praying that the cream of mankind, the billionaire elite, who meet in Davos annually to discuss their personal escape plans, may be safely shipped to Mars.
5. It was unanimously agreed that no one really understands anymore what the following terms mean: album sales, single release, promo release, any kind of release...rock music...
6. In an attempt to stay relevant we invited a
verified U2 fan to discuss his latest collecting technique.
U2 collecting is pondered by an expert
Respectfully submitted
